Blossom Evolution

Hello loves,

After reading your posts, I have been thinking about all of this, all of us, being in this phase of life together. Being the elder of the group (ha, I am so wise and old!), I have identified so completely with everything you guys have been saying. That grasping of deeper purpose and direction that comes with this moment in life, and for me, a definite need to ground in and take root in a place to call home. ...That could of course be due to our extreme nomadic nature of the last few years, but I think it is also due to the phase that Pat and I have entered in life. I never thought I would be at a place where settling down was as exciting as backpacking foreign countries. But whoa! We have arrived! And yes, we still want to backpack and roam, but we need a friggin' root system that is strong and stable.

In moving back to the area that was home as a child, I have been so comforted. It has all the things we love-- ocean, mountains, and friendly, bright folks that are into things like raising chickens, collecting sap and raising goats, not for milk or cheese, but merely because of the fact that they are cute...which I find extremely valid. Pat and I just kind of looked at each other one day and said "Oh my gosh! We're home!" That has led us to put an offer on a house, (for which we are currently under contract!! you guys omg!!) and made us look at our lives and our dreams in a magnified way. It's the sifting through that is tricky-- the sampling of jobs, the experimenting with interests, finding that thing that makes your heart expand and makes joy erupt in your bones. For a long time, I thought that thing for me was teaching. And the process of finding out that teaching school might not be what I thought it was for me has been hard and disappointing, but illuminating in a big way. The thing is, I have realized that while I adore kiddos and have a knack for teaching, that doesn't mean that I have to love it as a practice or that I have to continue to do it. Because unless it feeds me in a deeper way, what the hell is the point?

Pat and I have been saying the phrase "Go get it!" to each other a lot these days. Go and get that thing that makes you feel freaking awesome and inspired and excited about living. He has found his thing and watching him unfold within in it has been such a treat! He comes home with work goggles forgotten on his head and sawdust in his beard after sharing a scotch with his boss at the end of the day. He looks like he is glowing! My hunt continues, but it is getting clearer and clearer everyday. I still want to help people a bunch
and think about caregiving in some way or another all the time. And other signs keep showing up and the universe keeps saying "hey idiot! you sold another big painting today! be a fucking artist!"

I had a thought the other day that I am going to start thinking of myself and other people as blossoms. Like intricately layered roses. Instead of a linear evolution, we all have these layers to ourselves-- different interests, passions, ideas, and we live them out as they unfold. So I don't need to say "I am a teacher" or "I am an artist", but rather "I'm a human!" And in being a human, we have the gift of being able to explore so many things, and to BE so many things. So now, rather than trying to define myself by my work, I am going to define myself by what I love, what feeds me and helps me grow as a person and a spirit. And that may shift over time. That's okay. It's all a part of the unfolding; the delicate and bold blossoming of becoming something beautiful.