If We Owned A Bar...

Hey Dudes!!!! So, we're debating opening a Maine bar in which we exclusively serve Maine-themed cocktails. Here's the list. Some of them might not make any sense to you, but believe us, they're friggin' accurate. Wicked!!

The Higgins Beach

Chilled Chardonnay (...because the heat isn't on yet…. so, really, we should say "room temperature".)

Lobster claw garnish (i.e. the one the squirrels have been eating in our front yard)

The Old Orchard Beach Pier

Ladies, put your thong on. 

Gentlemen, pop your collars.

Drink.

Rum 

Diet Coke 

Served with sidecar of pier fires with malt vinegar and cigarette butts

(comes with an optional dead seagull)

The Portland Microbrew

Wear flannel.

Wear Buddy Holly glasses.

Wear optional animal skin hat.

Use your 22 oz. pint glass.

Fill 'er up.

Don't get beer foam on your 19th century-moustache.

Listen to the bar-keep yammer on forever about the fine ingredients that are locally sourced and sustainably harvested under a full moon on alternate Tuesdays… 

…while texting your friends on your iPhone

The Flatland-ah

(people who live south of Augusta. 

Sometimes referred to as "Disgusta". It's gross. Also, the state capital. )

Linda Bean's Blueberry beer. 

Buy some khakis. 

Go Home. 

The L.L. Bean

Get your thermos. 

Fill it with Irish Coffee. 

Head for the woods. 

(Bring your yellow lab.)

The Midcoast-ah 

Allen's Coffee Brandy 

(it's a well-known fact that a bottle of Allen's can be found within a 5 mile radius to any crime that happens in Maine.) 

Milk

Crushed Oxycodone Rim

Serve in Maine beer coozie (a brown paper bag).

The County (Aroostook, way the f*** up north)

Potato vodka

Sprinkle in flannel bits

Served in a rain boot (i.e. "a wellie")

Don't forget your green-bud chase-ah. 

The Uncle Henry's 

Go next door. 

See what they're havin'...